Saturday 16 February 2013

Where's the Love? Week: My Almost, Kind-Of, Maybe One Day Love Story

I don’t think it’s fair of me to have spent the whole of the week surrounding Valentine’s Day talking about love without giving you something of myself. I’m  a very boring person: I didn't have a high-school sweetheart and I haven’t had my epic love yet, but at university I did fall in love with someone. It’s not a traditional love story, but I still think it’s a love story and I’m not quite sure how it will end, but I’m going to share it anyway and hope to God he doesn’t read this when I link to it on Twitter...

I met one of my best friends on the day I arrived at university for the first time. Obviously, I didn’t know that at the time and if someone would have told me that he would be my best friend I probably would have laughed in your face. We clicked instantly though, bonding over our love of Bones, writing and books. It didn’t take long at all for me to get a crush. I’m predictable like that.

Now, until I met him, I’d never had a close guy friend. Mainly because I have serious issues and I just can’t speak to them without sounding either ten years old or painfully boring. In this situation we were able to get to know each other without me being too much of an idiot, I think, but you’d probably have to ask him about that. This wasn’t the best idea though. He had, and still has, a girlfriend.

For a long time, and even now occasionally, I wonder if there’s something on his side more than friendship. We’d dance too close, spend most of our time together, he’d say something provocative and it would get my brain whirring. Does he like me as more than a friend? But what about his girlfriend? Surely he’d do something about that? Oh, we’re just friends. Then it would happen again and the whole process would repeat. During this time I bloody fell in love with him, didn’t I. Typical.

I’m not going to lie, I struggled with this a lot last year, especially when said girlfriend spent four days a week living in our house and he knew how I felt and we’d had a few conversations about our behaviour. It was painful and it put a strain on our friendship, but it also made us stronger at the same time. That’s very odd, I know. I don’t really understand it myself.

Now in our third year, he’s studying abroad and I haven’t seen him since August but I still love him and I honestly don’t think I ever won’t. We speak often and I plan to go out and visit him at some point this term. Even with the distance I’d still call him one of my best friends and for me there’s still some hope for us. Something gets said, something is done and I begin to wonder again. It’s probably my insane girl-brain reading into every little thing, trying to find what I want to find, but it’s out of my control now.

So, there you go. The sad and pathetic story of a girl who fell in love with her best friend who has a girlfriend. I’m a walking YA novel sometimes. But unlike my beloved YA, it’s incredibly unlikely I’ll get my guy, but that’s okay, it just means My Guy is waiting around the corner to bump in to me when I least expect it.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed Where’s the Love? Week – I know I have! Thank you to everyone who commented and retweeted my links this week and give another brief shout out to Clover over at Fluttering Butterflies who usually hosts the wonderful Love Month during February.



  1. Aw. I love you, matey - what a fantastic blogpost. Hopefully you guys will sort through this. When I met Mark I was engaged to someone else. It wasn't a good relationship. I thank my lucky stars to this day that I had the wherewithall to not walk around with blinkers and allowed myself to believe in something more. Honestly, you just never ever know.

  2. I'm so proud of you <3 I know this isn't something you like to talk about, but know that at least I love you!

  3. god, this is a real something, and I have a feeling I was a bit like you, I know how you feel, yeah I know.
    love ya

  4. Aw Hun, I know exactly how this feels with having the same issue at college, it's awful and it makes you question every little thing. I know it would have taken a lot to write this post and I just want to say that no matter how hard it is now, things will work out eventually, I hope it's soon! *hugs*

  5. Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this! I'm behind with everything :(

    Aww. what a crappy position to be in, but well done to you for writing about it and letting us all read it.

    It wasn't until I read Liz's comment above that it occurred to me that actually, when I first met N, I was totally, madly in love with someone else. He was this older guy and we'd been friends for nearly 4 years by that time but we were always just destined to be really good friends. I couldn't see that at the time, even though he really nicely told me that. And then I met N and I was completely resistant to feeling anything more for him than friendship... It took awhile for me to realise what I had with N because I was holding on so tightly to John.

    So I hope that gives you some hope. Your Guy is still out there.


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