1. At the first sign of the inevitable zombie apocalypse (we all know it’s going to happen someday), don’t immediately flee to the countryside, thinking that you’re going to hole up on an organic farm and live off the land – everyone will have the same idea. You’ll be facing long traffic jams where you’ll be trapped in your SUV, becoming an all-you-can-eat brain buffet for the infected. Rather sit tight and head for a:
2. Shopping mall. Sorry to be smug, but the ones where we’re based – in Cape Town, South Africa – come equipped with generators and tight security (thanks to our erratic electricity provider and high crime rate), but you’ll have similarly secure malls in your area. Barricade the entrance immediately and prepare to wait out the apocalypse in style. If you’ve chosen wisely, you should have an Apple store, high-end supermarket, book shop, computer game outlet and furniture retailer. However, try to avoid a Dawn of the Dead remake scenario and attempt to discourage:
3. Gun-toting hotheads. There’s always one in every survivor group. Rather pick low-key but intelligent survivor-mates: accountants, interns, a doctor or two. You’re locked in tight with ample supplies, who needs a vigilante in that situation? They’ll only start customising one of the cars in the underground car park for a totally unnecessary escape attempt. And while you’re in the mall, pick up some:
4. Leather trousers. For some reason, in any apocalyptic situation, a Mad Max outfit is a necessary part of any survivors’ kit. Perhaps because they cut down on the laundry (you can wear them for years without washing them, apparently). However, it’s possible that you might eventually get bored of eating your way through the luxury food aisle, playing Grand Theft Auto against your posse of professionals, watching Breaking Bad box sets, and holding more and more outlandish dressing-up competitions (you have to do something with all the free outfits in your mall’s boutiques). If this is the case, why not just go outside and:
5. Become infected. Who says being a zombie is so bad anyway? The living dead have no career pressure, are singularly unconcerned about their appearance, never have to go to the dentist, take exams or file tax returns, and on the whole, have a rather stress-free existence. Our advice is: If you can’t beat them, join them.
Thanks for a fantastic post!