1. At the first sign of the
inevitable zombie apocalypse (we all know it’s going to happen someday), don’t
immediately flee to the countryside, thinking that you’re going to hole up on
an organic farm and live off the land – everyone will have the same idea.
You’ll be facing long traffic jams where you’ll be trapped in your SUV,
becoming an all-you-can-eat brain buffet for the infected. Rather sit tight and
head for a:
2. Shopping mall. Sorry to be
smug, but the ones where we’re based – in Cape Town, South Africa – come
equipped with generators and tight security (thanks to our erratic electricity
provider and high crime rate), but you’ll have similarly secure malls in your
area. Barricade the entrance immediately and prepare to wait out the apocalypse
in style. If you’ve chosen wisely, you should have an Apple store, high-end
supermarket, book shop, computer game outlet and furniture retailer. However, try
to avoid a Dawn of the Dead remake
scenario and attempt to discourage:
3. Gun-toting hotheads. There’s
always one in every survivor group. Rather pick low-key but intelligent
survivor-mates: accountants, interns, a doctor or two. You’re locked in tight with
ample supplies, who needs a vigilante in that situation? They’ll only start
customising one of the cars in the underground car park for a totally unnecessary
escape attempt. And while you’re in the mall, pick up some:
4. Leather trousers. For some
reason, in any apocalyptic situation, a Mad
Max outfit is a necessary part of any survivors’ kit. Perhaps because they
cut down on the laundry (you can wear them for years without washing them,
apparently). However, it’s possible that you might eventually get bored of
eating your way through the luxury food aisle, playing Grand Theft Auto against your posse of professionals, watching Breaking Bad box sets, and holding more
and more outlandish dressing-up competitions (you have to do something with all
the free outfits in your mall’s boutiques). If this is the case, why not just
go outside and:
5. Become infected. Who says being
a zombie is so bad anyway? The living dead have no career pressure, are
singularly unconcerned about their appearance, never have to go to the dentist,
take exams or file tax returns, and on the whole, have a rather stress-free
existence. Our advice is: If you can’t beat them, join them.
Thanks for a fantastic post!
Sophie
Haha! This post is sooo funny. I especially like tip number 5 ;)
ReplyDelete- Ellie at The Selkie Reads Stories